I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. Yaqne. Mitakuye Oyasin. I am home.

Hello all....

Yep, I'm home. I spent some time on a mountain ledge, under a pine tree, battling thunder, lightening, hail and rain....and when it was over, this round-bottomed grandma felt like she had earned her warrior status.

I actually thought of my AS3 family while I was sitting out there. I thought of how all of us go through the battle to win back our bodies from nicotine addiction. When I got back last night, I checked in with the newsgroup. I saw where we have been joined by some newcomers. Welcome to the Quit Train all of you. You'll never be sorry, not for one moment, if you honor your decision to quit nicotine for all time.

So I had this bolt of lightening and thunder crack overhead almost simultaneously which tells you how close it was to me. It scared me to death. Holy Cow! One hears of being struck with lightening and I thought I was in the perfect place to have that happen. I chose a place for myself that was high up on a ledge, overlooking a valley, with a lake off in the distance. I had the most gorgeous view. Every morning, I would be greeted by the sun peeking up over my beloved Sierra-Nevadas. But this night, I was wondering if I would survive my choice. It started to rain and hail. I had positioned myself underneath a pretty good sized pine tree so I didn't get the worst of the hail storm. I did get the worst of the rain. I had been left with some plastic bags which I quickly stuffed my sleeping bag into as well as what few dry clothes I had brought with me. The other plastic bags I sort of crawled into.

When I quit smoking, I made up a list of reasons why I want to quit. Topping my list was that I needed to breathe. That was my bottom line. I was scared for me as I was already having trouble breathing and my lungs already hurt. And my list went on from there. It turned out to be quite a long list too. Next what I did was figure out how to honor that quit list and I did that by starting my tool box. In this tool box, I listed those things that I would use to help me quit. One of my favorite tools is laughter. (But then, you know that about me, eh?) I have used the technique that I learned from ddSteve to change my thoughts and feelings about smoking and I have written much about that. I have my quit group, my support group, exercise, and most importantly, all of you to share this walk with. (You guys got your quit list and tool kit written down?)

As I was laying there on the ground, wrapped up in plastic, being pelted by huge boulders of rain (smile), I was thinking about what else I could do to help myself survive this. And then I heard my runner yell, Yukpa hashi, Yukpa hashi! As I came up through the plastic and I got a hand free, I signaled to her to come forth. She gave me the message that Tu Bears offered to allow me (this was extended to the other visioners as well) to come in, if I wanted to. I can honestly say the thought of going in never crossed my mind. I told her, No, thank you, I would be fine. And she left. As I got wetter and the ground got harder, I thought to myself, I think I have changed my mind. I am ready to go in now. I was starting to get scared.

I read some of the posts from the new folks who have joined us. I read about their fear of leaving behind their habit that had been with them for a very long time. I know that fear. Learning to live without nicotine is one tough job. And most of the time that should be in all caps....ONE TOUGH JOB! But once you decide that this is what you want, then no matter what, you find a way to get through it. You'll read over and over again, that ATTITUDE is everything. Well, guess what? It is everything. Stop and think about it. If your attitude is such that you leave any doors open for escape, you will escape in time. You go around and close and lock all the doors with your tool kit. My attitude is that I am going to reclaim my life, no matter what, using everything I can find to help me do just that.

Well, now I'm really wet and cold and I have started shivering. It's very dark. I can't see out at all. I make one last adjustment in my protection. I was using one of those thin compressed foam camping pads (you guys know what I mean?) underneath my sleeping bag. And it was just laying there on the ground in front of me getting wet. But wait....the water was beading up and running off of it. It wasn't getting soaked! I grabbed that pad and put it over the top of me and guess what? I had my shield. One last tool for survival. Hummm....

So nearly every time now that I come into the newsgroup and read what others are doing to help themselves survive their quits, I learn another little bit about surviving my own. I hope all of you will continue to write (a bunch!) and share what is going on with you in your quits and how you are getting through it. That is the value of this newsgroup....the sharing part. And one other thought. Recently my quit group learned that one of our group had faltered. I wrote and asked him to share what happened? And he did. I also added what trigger had caused him to misstep to my tool kit. I would hope ALL would add their information here. It is the value of this newsgroup, the wealth of information that we can share with one another.

I could hear the rain pelt the ground underneath my ear. I could feel the fear begin to slowly dissipate. I had done what I knew to do to help myself in my resolve to get through this night. And I let the sound of the rain lull me to sleep. I had pulled a plastic bag over my head and I had torn a fairly good sized hole in the bag so that I could breathe. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I woke up abruptly. What woke me up? The full moon shining in on my face! I started to laugh. I had done it. That full moon was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen in my life. I got up and crawled out from underneath the pine tree that had helped to shield me and yelled at the top of my lungs, I am Yukpa hashi, I am.... My group down at base camp heard my cry and a sound went up through the valley like you have never heard as they whooped and hollered right back at me.

Because I have done what I know to do to give myself back the gift of breathing which is by quitting smoking, I know that I will meet up with all kinds of adversity. This is not an easy battle, but I have a very strong feeling that I am among a group of warriors. So, Nicodemon, look out. We are warriors - my AS3 family and me - and we are ready for battle. We have our quit lists and our tool kits and it doesn't matter how much rain and hail you throw our way....the full moon will greet us when it is all done.

I am grateful to be back with you.

Yukpa hashi---------->>>>>>>passing the talking stick
Pat/Laughing Moon/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette