I am Yukpa hashi. I am adopted Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. Mitakuye oyasin. Yaqne. I have accomplished many things in this lifetime but one of the accomplishments that I am most proud of is being 3 years smokefree. My journey has taken me over paths that I could not have predicted yet no matter how many boulders, no matter how many mountains there were to climb, I still got from there to here.

I fought very hard for this quit. I had quit so many times before, it is a number without knowing. But this quit is different. How is it different?

1. I found my 5/25'ers, my quit group. We are still a strong family of 7 with 6 of us still quit even after all of this time. Frank, Franz, Harry, Map, Mark and Sister Selma.... You guys are the absolute best. However we found each other, walking the walk with all of you has been my great gift. You listened to my tears, read my innumerable e-mails, shared each milestone along the way and now we have babies and marriages and finally a planned get-together in September. For all time, we will have one another. In that I am grateful for you? That is a tremendous understatement. Thank you for being there for me. Now.... just to brag a bit on our quit group... below is our group meter:

Group Totals:
Cigarettes not smoked: 166,197
Money saved: $23,269.09
This group has not smoked for a combined total of 17 Years 11 Months 2 Weeks 3 Days 10 Hours 7 Minutes 51 Seconds

Is that awesome or what?!!! HUGE smile. (We should send this meter to RJR!!!)

2. I had ddSteve for a quit coach and he taught me Cognitive quitting. (You can visit his webpage by going to www.cognitivequitting.com.) He taught me how to change my responses to life's many emotions. Where once I would have picked up a smoke because I was angry or stressed out or even joyful, I now pick up a glass of water or take a breather or whatever new option fills the bill. I don't even think about smoking nowadays. I can't tell you how much this means to me. ddSteve, you've made such a huge difference in my life. We've been jabbering together for 3 years now. How wonderful is that? VERY wonderful. Thank you for being there for me through thick and thin. Let's go kiting together soon?

3. AS3.... the newsgroup, Alt.Support.Stop-Smoking. It is here that I found all of the information I would need for a successful quit. One other BIG thing in the AS3 plus column is that I met some friends who have since become very important to me. I started a list but I got lost.... there are so many. But Melly, you top the list.... One day soon we *are* gonna sit across the table from each other and talk until we are hoarse. I so look forward to that day. To the many others who have walked this path with me, you have made my smokefree journey easier just by my knowing you. Your support has been more that I could ever have hoped for. To say 'thank you' seems woefully little for all that you have given to me. But thank you, nonetheless. I would like to especially thank Mona, Miss Maggie, Steve (slackr) (you are an awesome webmaster and friend), ddJacque and Paul.... you guys have impacted my life for all time. Thank you.... so much! To the newbies, I especially appreciate you. You remind me of where I don't EVER want to go again. Thank you for all of your posts. Keep on keeping on. You can get here.... you can!

Because of the above, I have made it to a milestone that was not even a dream of mine; at the time I quit, it seemed like something so far fetched, I couldn't even envision getting to this place of smoke freedom. But I am a study in putting one foot in front of the other, walking right on past the horrible craves of a cold turkey quit, the quit depression that nearly sabotaged my quit many, many times, the roller coaster ride, the tears from hell, the junkie thinking, the plain hard work that was required in this quit and the innumerable changes that have been required of me.

Does it sound like the price of quitting this addiction might have been too high? Smile. Know what the payoff has been?

1. I get to hug my two grandsons with abandon.... knowing they won't turn their heads away because I smelled like an ashtray. I get to out walk them through the museums. I get to play ball with them. I get to snuggle up on the couch and read books with them. And I get to see the pride in their eyes because they have watched me the whole way. And I will hopefully be around long enough now to see my daughter become a grandmother. At least I know I've given myself that opportunity with my quitting smoking.

2. All of the physical symptoms have long since gone. My lungs don't hurt anymore. I can laugh until my stomach muscles ache and not once, NOT ONCE does it end in a coughing spasm. How sweet that is. I don't wake up and first thing, need to clear my lungs of that awful black gunk. (Was that disgusting or what?!!!) I have regained my lung power. I can breathe deep and clear. I am truthful with my world. I no longer have to hide a disgusting habit. I found I had courage that I never knew I had. With that discovery, I tried lots of new things. The bottom line is that I reclaimed my body.... I reclaimed me.

3. The gifts have been so many, it's hard to list them all. My greatest gift has been the freedom. How is it that when one quits smoking, the world seems to open up for them? That is how it was with me. I think I once wrote about 'becoming big'. Indeed. Smoking defined my world. My whole day was set up around smoking whether or not I was conscious of it. There were limits placed on all of my activities.... especially if I couldn't smoke during them. But once I didn't have the addiction confining me anymore, I was able to go everywhere I wanted to go, do anything that I wanted to do and be all that I could be. There were no smoking imposed limitations. That is called freedom. And I am indeed now free.

Quitting smoking is a process. I mightily wished otherwise, but I had to put in the time and had to have the patience to allow my body to heal. The price for my smoking was much higher than I knew.... but that became my past when I made the decision to quit this addiction that was robbing me of the breath of life. Each of those moments that I did everything else but smoke (And you all know me now as one who wrote and posted a lot!!! But this also includes everything in my Tool Kit... walking, drinking lots of water, Jolly Ranchers, deep breathing, etc.) have added up to this:

Three years, 1 hour, 34 minutes and 7 seconds. 21921 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3,595.09. Life saved: 10 weeks, 6 days, 2 hours, 45 minutes.

To my 5/25'ers.... let the party begin and save me a spot in the tubs. As ou know I am off to Vision Quest. I won't be able to check in with you until Monday night. But know that I am there with you in spirit in celebrating our most awesome accomplishment together. You are simply the very best....

To my brothers and sisters in AS3.... Thank you.... so much.... for all of the support you have given to me.... whether or not you knew you had. This newsgroup made the difference for me between my success and racking up another of the (too) numerous failed quits that I had.

I can't encourage you enough to keep on keeping on. I am one who lets you know that through it all, it can be done.... if one simply adds up the moments of freedom. I have been called many things over this journey.... Gaire Solas, Yareakh Tzokheq, budette, round-bottomed grandma, one-way Yuck, kitemaker, Sister friend, OF and DOF to name a few. I think that.... I'd gonna just settle for VOF now. What a journey this has been! Thank you for travelling it with me.

Yukpa hashi,
VOF
www.talkingstick.net