I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. Mitakuye oyasin (All my relatives). And I am home.

Whew! Some lessons in life are hard ones. Some lessons in life are beautiful ones. Most lessons in life are both and this weekend was full of them both.

I went away for the weekend. I joined Tu Bears and my clan for our Spring Gathering. This year it was held over on the coast, just north of San Francisco in California, at Slide Ranch. I slept at nighttime to the sounds of the waves crashing and the wind blowing. During the day, I was either in sweat lodge or participating in another ceremony of gratitude and blessing and in welcoming the oncoming Springtime.

Oh boy, am I glad I quit smoking 9 1/2 months ago! I watched the few smokers that were present this weekend suffer badly because of their addiction. But I am glad I quit smoking. The place where we set up our tents was along this cliff ridge about a quarter of a mile or better from where we parked our cars. We walked along a narrow path that led us to a most wonderful meadow. It was on old Miwok land. I had to lug in my gear, which was considerable. I am an old woman who needs her foam pads, you know? Giggle. So, as I made the many trips, back and forth along this narrow path, I gave thought to my lung power and to the shape of my physical body. I am not a small woman, by anybody's vision. I had gained 40 pounds with my last quit (which is one of the reasons I gave up that quit. I did not allow that to happen this time around.). Even two years later, I have not lost it all yet. But it was the lung power that saw me through this weekend. I was VERY grateful for my decision to gain my smoke freedom those many months ago.

My "job" this weekend was in what we call the "Grandmother's" position, that of the North. And I was all of that. I am a grandma. You all have heard me talk about my grandsons before, who, regretfully, were not with me this past weekend. But I had lots of little ones to be a grandma to. As I packed up the Jeep, I threw in the kites. As you also know (Do you ever get the feeling that I share too much of my life? By the time I reach my OFdom, you will know me pretty well, eh? Was that a sigh I heard in the back of the room?! Smile.), I had made my first parafoil last January at the kite retreat up in Oregon. At the first break on Saturday morning, I brought out my kites. I put up the old parafoil first, which is a flashy thing, long tail and very colorful. The little ones came running. "Can I fly it, can I fly it?" "Of course you can. Here you go. Hang on. If it begins to fall, pump it a little bit by pulling on the string this way and it'll go back up." One of the kites I took was the kite I had won in a raffle at the retreat by Jose Sainz. It is an appliqued kite of a cat sitting on a fence with a blue moon behind it. You hang the kite bag off of the bottom of the kite so that in the air, it looks like a twitching tail. Well, you can imagine how these children reacted to this kite! *Very* big smile. And yes, those that wanted to fly it, did. The other kite we flew was the parafoil that I made last January. Oh what a grand feeling it is to see a kite that you made fly perfectly.... and in the hands of a child! Can you imagine the impact of this flying "lesson" if I had either had to take a smoke break or tried to hand kites to children with a cig hanging out of my mouth. I was grateful once again for my courage to become smoke free.

One of the ceremonies that I participated in was a Blessing Ceremony. We were to gather bits and pieces on our walks to add to this circle to be blessed. Up at the top of this hill was this huge cypress. I decided to try and get there. It was straight uphill. (Tu Bears later told me she was AMAZED when she saw me tackling that hill. Grin.) When I got to the top, and yes I did get to the top, I found this old cypress with it's trunk and roots wound around this huge rock. It was magnificent looking. I gathered 9 small rocks to bring down with me to add to the circle for blessing. But just getting to the top was *my* blessing. I did not make it without stopping twice to rest a bit. But the point is, had I been a smoker, I would not have made it at all. That is truth. I am smoke free and this weekend, I felt the blessing for being all of that.

My most favorite place to be in ceremony is in Sweat Lodge. Sweat Lodge is like going to church for me. Well, on Sunday morning, we brought the children in. Tu Bears was the Sweat leader, of course, and four adults held down the directions (East, South, West and the North was held down by me) and the children sat inbetween us. This lodge was pure magic. If you can imagine hearing the prayers of all of these children that ranged in age from 3 yrs. old up to about 9 yrs. old.... wait, wait.... I gotta share one prayer. This 3 year old (Mark was his name) was sitting next to his sister. She piped up and said, "My brother is too young to speak." And Tu Bears says, "Oh?" And she asked Mark if he had anything to say. He paused.... and you could feel his being thinking hard. And he piped up, "Yes." Big pause... "Thank you." So simple, yet he said it all. I turned to absolute mush at that very moment. And then the children sang a song. I feel like I heard angels singing here on earth, their voices were so beautiful. As the children left and they passed me on their way out, they had to shake the "grandma's" hand. I not only got a hand shake but a big hug too from my kite flying buddies. Think that would have happened had I smelled of cigarette smoke? Hummm.... Not likely. We five adults finished up the sweat for the whole weekend. It was hot and intense. I have often thought that having a clear head and set of lungs allows me to be in Sweat Lodge with ease now. I have sweated as a smoker and not only could I not breathe well but I couldn't enjoy my time in there because my lungs inevitably would begin to crave for a hit of nicotine. I am honoring me (BIG time) by walking this walk to quit smoking.

So on this day, I give thanks for all that I am, and for my choice of smoke freedom. I was able to work hard, play hard and breathe free this Spring Gathering because of that choice made back on May 25th. I am glad to be home. And instead of smelling like an ashtray, I came home with the smell of the sea breeze and the green grass on my clothes. Yes!!! I like it this way. Aho.

Yukpa hashi -------->>>>>>>passing the talking stick
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette/kite maker

Nine months, two weeks, four days, 5 hours, 20 minutes and 9 seconds. 5884 cigarettes not smoked, saving $976.96. Life saved: 2 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 20 minutes.