I've been reflecting on this past 11 months of smoke freedom today. I've come a long way and I have earned every moment of my 11 months. (Smile. How's that for ATTITUDE?!!)

I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. You know me and who I am. I count you as family. I am picking up the Talking Stick and I hope you will sit a spell with me. Mitakuye Oyasin.... which means "all my relatives".

I have been with you here in AS3 for a long time now. 11 months today.(Wow. What a *grand* feeling it is to be here at this place. My Beeping Collars [my 5/25'ers] have already started the dance toward our OFdom. Smile. What fun they are.) What a road this has been for me. I would like to share with you some of my reflections gathered along the way from the journey.

Patience, Time, Resolve (aka ATTITUDE) and Honoring me: I don't like the word, patience, but this is what I've discovered about patience. I've gone through some tough times (like all of you). Being patient through those tough times some times was the *only* thing that got me through them. So I had to *learn it* and *use it*. I don't think I had another choice. It became an important part of my Tool Kit. Interestingly, at this end of the time frame, I'm amazed at how quickly I got here afterall. That's truth. We all start the walk by doing it moment by moment. Every single one of us. But it isn't too long before we notice the moments have added up into hours and those hours added up into days and then weeks and then months. It can even add up to 11 of those months. Smile. I made a promise to me at 2 PM on May 25th when I put out the last cigarette that I was done and I was done for all time. That decision turned out to be the easy part. The hard part has been to figure out how to quit and stay quit. I learned many types of tools to use in my recovery but without *resolve*, they would have meant nothing. I will do whatever it takes to maintain my quit, no matter what "it" is. That's my resolve. And in the doing, I am honoring me and my promise to me. That's how I got to this place of smoke freedom.

Buddy-up: I just mentioned my 5/25'ers. Whenever you can and as soon as you can, develop an e-mail group. It's fun and can be an important quit tool. If you quit near the same day, it is walking the walk with someone who knows exactly where you are, 'cause they are there too. As well, you are accountable to someone. In my case, I was accountable to 6 other someones. This walk would not have been so successful without them. We are family now. I am a huge proponent of buddying up. It makes it easier to go through the shit if you go through it with someone else. I participate in two other groups as well. My Sister Friends, I would not be this happy without you. And my RBK's.... you are true real butt kickers extraordinaire.

Quit Depression: Those of you who suffer with it know what I am talking about. Those of you who were fortunate enough to not experience this side effect of quitting smoking, you are blessed.... indeed. I've been on Wellbutrin for 4 weeks tomorrow and I'm slowly but surely climbing out of this hole. It's been a long haul. Dealing with this has made me really appreciate life and health. I would encourage anyone who thinks they are crying more than they think is acceptable, or they get blue and stay there, to GO SEE THEIR DOCTOR! The reason why I believe I am dealing with this at 11 months is because I kept hoping it would go away on it's own and I kept hiding from the reality of it. Save yourself some grief. It is very common to experience quit depression and the good news is that it is VERY treatable. Go check it out if you are the least bit concerned.

Friends: Boy, the wonderful folks I have met in this newsgroup! The early friends that I made (and if they are still around and didn't leave me because of all of the whining,) (Smile) are true treasures. They have really cared about my success. And I'm *really* grateful. (Are you listening, my Cherokee bro?) But that's this newsgroup. I mentioned one time real early in my quit about what a gold mine AS3 was. The amount of solid information that is found in this newsgroup that is of great educational value is incredible. But it's the caring people that make it truly work. The bottom line is to quit smoking and there are lots of outreached hands to help make that happen. Ain't it nice? To the VOF's, DOF's and OF's...., I want to thank you again for sticking around. I learned from you and quit mostly with information garnered from you. I'm indebted.

Support System: As well as finding some quit buddies, I would suggest you talk an old timer (smile) into becoming a quit coach or an advisor. If they are willing, include them in your e-mail group. There have been many folks who have played a huge part in helping me quit. But it was my mentors that made my quit secure. I know I did the work but it was made easier by those who hung tough with me when I was at my grumpiest, who listen when I was at my weepiest, who held the space while I blew off steam and when the time was right, educated me a bit as to how to quit in a good way. Mr. T. and my Mona, you are my two guiding lights. Just saying thank you is never gonna be enough. Never. You've spent a whole lot of time nursing this old Chahta grandma along. Thank you.... very much.

Meters: Some people don't pay much attention to their meters. I'm a meter junkie. Big Smile. After next month when I reach my one year milestone, I probably won't pay as much attention to it anymore but you gotta know, it sits in my taskbar and continually reminds me of my courage. (And yeah, I *do* have courage.... but then so do you. Or you wouldn't be in this newsgroup trying to get free.) I have used my meter as a tool. When I felt shaky, I would bring up the meter and go through the stats and generally get reacquainted with it. In other words, I looked at it a whole lot in the beginning. Giggle. That doesn't happen so much anymore but I have been really grateful for this tool. 'Sides that, it's fun!

Now, I'm thinkin' this has not only gotten to be too long but it's become too damn serious! Big Grin. You gotta know, guys, there is this feeling inside of me that is happy dancing to the fastest beat. I vacillate between not believing I have made it this far and wanting to run at full speed towards those tubs. I'm on countdown mode and I got chills running up and down me. The feeling is exquisite. I have a strong suspicion that this last month is all about pride and joy in one's accomplishment in getting to this place of smoke freedom. When I hit the tubs on May 25th, it will have been the result of a culmination of all that I have done to regain my freedom so far. I plan on dancing along this path for the whole damn month. And I got 6 other Beeping Collars who are dancing right along with me. Ain't life grand? Aho.

And here's what I've been talking about:

Eleven months, 2 hours, 51 minutes and 17 seconds. 6702 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,112.59. Life saved: 3 weeks, 2 days, 6 hours, 30 minutes.

Passing the Talking Stick -------->>>>>>
Yukpa hashi
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette/kite maker