I'm about to get to a place that I never thought I'd reach again. I was *totally* convinced I would never be able to break the chains. I just knew that I was going to be a smoker for life. That's what I have been thinking about lately.

I am in awe that I am about to rack up my 2nd year. When I reached my OF, I was VERY proud of me. But it was only a small step in my mind's eye. The inner dialogue went something like this, 'Well done, but keep on keeping on... you ain't there yet.' It barely registered a blip on the inner seismograph. That's truth. The moment where I would reach my personal best was still ahead of me. And ohhhhhh, how much I want to get there!!!

It's not that I am still struggling with cravings. Cog Quitting gave me the confidence that I needed to feel that, once the method was learned, I was all done. The learning assured me that I could deal with the nagging thoughts and feelings in another way instead of smoking. That's now become my way of life. Options.... Lawdy, do I believe in giving ourselves options. And Cog Quitting taught me that.

But what it didn't and couldn't give me was a new inner 'picture' of me. I was quit 2 1/2 years to the day before this quit. And then I blew it. And I blew it big time. Well, inside, there is still this last bastion to be breached of 2 yrs., 6 mos., before the new (and final) picture will emerge.

To be honest with you, I simply cannot envision what this new picture might look like. I mean, if I stop and think about the changes that I have already gone through over the past two years, how much more can I change? I climbed a mountain, both literally and figuratively already. But I think the thing of it is, though, I will need to set this new personal best first. And then when I do that, I will finally feel as if I have completely walked out of the haze. Aho.

With my turning DOF, my new picture is getting closer now.... Oh yeah!!! One year, eleven months, three weeks, 2 hours, 57 minutes and 0 seconds. 14442 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,368.56. Life saved: 7 weeks, 1 day, 3 hours, 30 minutes.

Continuing in countdown mode,
Pat/Yukpa hashi/Laughing Moon,
OF