I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. I am standing tall on this day. I am taking up the talking stick because I have reached a milestone that I am particularly proud of. I'd like to share my meter with you:

Five months, 0 weeks, 0 day, 3 hours, 12 minutes and 6 seconds. 3062
cigarettes not smoked, saving $421.23. Life saved: 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 10 minutes.

I have not been all that present in the newsgroup here of late. A new job and the upcoming holiday season has me working long hours which means less computer time. But that doesn't mean that I don't have thinking time. Actually, putting up stock allows me lots of quiet time to think about things. My smoke freedom has been on my mind here lately.

The other day, before work, I read another post that asked how long before the pain of quitting goes away? That really sent me back to the early days of my quit. (When I hit these milestones, I seem to get nostalgic. I hope you don't mind.) I was one of those who asked over and over, how long must I *endure* this roller coaster ride? I was told to be patient. And every time I received that bit of advice, I snorted out loud. What does the word "patience" mean? I hadn't a clue.

Well, in terms of my quitting smoking, patience meant allowing time for my body to heal. Well, all right, I understand that part but how long does that take? I had no patience, you see. (I probably still don't have a whole bunch.) I wanted the pain and the emotional upheaval to be over with, better sooner than later. I had things I had to do. I have
responsibilities that I had to pay attention to and that was hard when I couldn't stop crying long enough to make a phone call to a client.
Patience? What? I had none and I didn't know where I would find any either.

And then I had a conversation that would change my perspective. ddSteve has been my quit coach from nearly the beginning of my quit. I am very fortunate in that respect. He first asked me how long I had been smoking? 25 plus years was my answer. He then asked me what did I think was a reasonable time frame for my body to recover from the nicotine addiction from 25 plus years of abuse? And if I were to factor in the emotional
insidiousness of the nicotine addiction as well, now how long is reasonable to expect my body to be fully recovered? Damn. You mean I need to find some patience 'cause this is gonna take awhile? Yep, was his answer. (I've bleeped my response to him.)

Well, if I remember correctly, that bit of information came to me at about 6 weeks quit. I had finally gotten my brain back to functioning on some level. (I would never claim it to be perfect, you know. And no comments allowed either, I have the talking stick!) I was beginning to feel like my body had some normalcy about it. I didn't have the crying jags or the anger nor was I experiencing so much quit intensity (do you know what I mean?). Well, now, I figured I had shown patience and I was done, right? Nope, not exactly.

There are ups and downs in this journey, although they don't seem as severe as they were in the beginning, I know that recovery is still going on. And the recovery process will continue for quite some time. That is just a fact of my learning to live without nicotine. Well, I wonder if I practice
patience long enough, I might actually understand what it means and how to spell it? No promises....

My point is that patience is required in what I am doing here. I have learned that if I chose smoke freedom, I need to be patient so as to allow my body to heal and recover. I don't like it. I am one of those that prefers that when I make a decision, it's a done deal, it's over with and now I can get on to the next thing. I had no idea when I was smoking what it was going to take to get free of those white cancer sticks. No idea. I still don't know *exactly* what it is going to require in terms of patience and hanging tough. (That is the absolute value of being with the long term quitters of this newsgroup who continue to so generously share their experiences with us because they help to define what it will take to secure our quits. I thank all of you again for shedding light on my path. I appreciate you.) But at this point, at five months quit (that's five of those puppies, you know?), as I have said before, more than once probably, I am willing to pay the price. Do not doubt, I will continue on this path to smoke freedom. I will not lose this pretty meter now.

So, my fabulous quit group, the 5/25'ers, with whom I shared all of the tears and anger of those first weeks, when patience was no where to be found, and more recently we shared the laughter and joy of reaching this milestone, please step forward with me one more time.... My Sister Selma, my huggy Brother Franz, King-of-the-Hill Harry (congrats again, buddy.... very big smile) and our very favorite Aussie, Mark. (*My* Teacher Frank and The Adventurer Map, you will always be a part of us, no matter what...) We are really proud of this one. Thanks to all of you, my AS3 family, too, for sharing this milestone with us. To those of you who are behind us in reaching this place of smobriety, there isn't a one of us in my group who wouldn't tell you that this place of smoke freedom hasn't been worth finding that bit of patience that was needed to get us past the pain, anger and confusion of getting ourselves free of the nicotine addiction.

We did it, eh guys? Yippee!!! And patience I know now is spelled
F-R-E-E-D-O-M! Aho.

Yukpa hashi --------->>>>>>>passing the talking stick
Pat/Laughing Moon/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette