Hello all. I am Yukpa hashi, feeling very much like *just* Pat tonight.
Mitakuye oyasin.

Øyvind posed a very interesting question in his post "Difficult Situations". I have thought about that question for a bit now and would like to share my thoughts with you.

How would I handle serious stress caused by the hospitalization (or the like) of a family member or by my car breaking down or from a myriad of things that could happen to me in my every day life? What would I do and how would I handle it? I would like to tell you a story about me and what happened to me this past week.

I live alone as most of you know. And I work in a fabric and crafts store during the day. (I work long hours and my feet hurt too! Smile.) Tuesday of last week, two days before Thanksgiving, while I was away at work, my home was robbed. A very talented thief took all of my jewelry. He/she swept the jewelry box clean. In it were heirlooms and gifts that can never be replaced. Stuff given to me throughout my life, that was to be handed down to my daughter. Now. I am not telling you this story to get your sympathy. I am going to be ok. The police were here and although the chance of recovering any of the stones and precious pieces is nil, I have done what I can. Why I *am* telling you this story is to say to you that not once....NOT ONCE....did I ever think to grab for a smoke during the discovery, during the police investigation or after they had left and I was alone once again. It will take some time to come to terms with the robbery and the feelings of violation. But the point is that I dealt with the original shock of discovering someone had been in my home and in my bedroom (!) and had stolen my precious heirlooms, with calling the police, with trying to remember all that had been stolen and then all of the aftermath, I handled it and am handling it all smoke free. It is possible.

Now I find that a bit curious. How come? Past behavior would have sent me scrambling for a smoke.... wait a minute. Past behavior?

Early in my quit I was fortunate enough to have some information shared with me by my quit coach, ddSteve. After I had gone through the nicotine withdrawals, I was sort of surprised to find myself still dealing with cravings and urges and emotional mood swings. I mean, I quit cold turkey. I thought that was it. I had "gutted" out the hard part and now I could get on with it. Well, I realized I needed to find out more information about this quit business. (I thank the Creator for this newsgroup and for the wealth of information to be learned here.) What I learned was that nicotine withdrawal was only the first part, the physical part, of gaining my smoke freedom. The second part, which has turned out to be the most important part for me, is the emotional retraining.

The method that Steve taught me was how to change my behavior, my smoking responses to stress, by recognizing the thoughts that had always sent me scrambling for a smoke. Then I changed a few thoughts and added a few others and, within a fairly short time, I didn't experience the "reaching for" anymore. You know what I mean? When faced with that type of stress of realizing I'd been robbed, past behavior would have dictated my grabbing for a smoke about that fast. Even if I didn't normally smoke in my house, I probably would have at that time under that kind of stress. But what this method taught me was how to change my responses to those stressful feelings. So instead of reaching for a cig, I have over time, and with a bit of homework and practice, changed my response to that of taking several deep breaths. (There are other responses that I have learned that go with other emotions/feelings but I am just using this one example here.) These deep breaths helped me to regain as much of my equilibrium as I could before I had to do all of the rest (take a quick inventory and call the police).

So, Øyvind, to answer your question, What would I do is what I did. When faced with this stress, I took several deep breaths while walking through my home; I gathered as much calm as I could and then I called and dealt with the police. I have faced other crises since I quit and I am getting better all of the time about dealing with life with this new way of thinking. I am learning to depend on *me* to get me through the stresses that living life seems to throw my way versus having to "rely" on nicotine which was the old way. I'm done with the addiction. And to be honest with you.... I prefer real life, no matter good or bad, to the smoking habit that had me constantly turning away from life toward a cig. No more. Now I turn toward life. Aho.

Yukpa hashi --------->>>>>> passing the talking stick
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette