My friends and as3 family,
I am wanting to sit around the circle with all of you this morning so I am taking up the talking stick again and am gonna sit here with you for a bit. I am Yukpa hashi (my girlfriend calls me "Yuk" for short.....smile. It's OK, I don't mind.). I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. (In my heritage, one is the sum of their ancestors and they pass the lineage on by stating who their ancestors are when they state their name.) It is also important that you know where I am in my quit so these ramblings might have some added perspective:

One month, three weeks, four days, 21 hours, 26 minutes and 48 seconds. 1137 cigarettes not smoked, saving $156.46. Life saved: 3 days, 22 hours, 45 minutes.

This weekend was another magical weekend for me. It held a gamut of emotions because it had a lot to do with "change". And the changes that happened over the weekend have me thinking about the changes that are taking place in me in my learning to live without nicotine.

I was out walking this morning when a mosquito landed on my neck. As I slapped at it, I was sharply reminded of the sun burn that I had gotten over the weekend while I was with my tribe....

We moved our sweat lodge from Tahoe to Truckee this weekend. When we closed down the old Sweat lodge a while back and then dismantled it, those of us who had been there in the beginning of this lodge were greatly saddened. So much had happened in this lodge. We had celebrated marriages, growth, children, healing, togetherness, well, it seemed like we had experienced life! in this lodge. It was very hard to imagine that another lodge could ever be as good as this one had surely been.

When I was thinking about giving up smoking, one of the reasons that I had such a difficult time deciding to quit was because my life seemed so tied up around smoking. It seemed like everything I did had a cigarette attached to it. (I know all of you know exactly what I mean.) It wasn't only stress that caused me to smoke, but pleasure as well. It wasn't just getting angry at Rick the P.... that had me grabbing for a smoke, it was moments of contentment too. Well, I wasn't sure that I could change this picture.

We set up the new lodge on a piece of property way out in the forest. (Yep, in my beloved Sierra-Nevadas) I had done all of my preparation. I had helped with gathering the foodstuffs for the kitchen. And even though, I wasn't quite sure what the day would hold, I was ready to give it a go.

So when I decided to quit smoking, I read the ng for a couple of weeks, gathered as much information as I could that I thought would help me, set my quit date and then I quit cold turkey with the help of St. John's Wort. (Now. Those of you who are using aids, good for you. Whatever it takes to get yourself from being a smoker to being a non-smoker is right. You set up your own plan, one that works for you and go for it. Period. You take advantage of whatever will help you achieve this goal. Enough said.) I had done all of the preparation that I knew to do and was ready to give it a go.

The area for the new lodge had been cleared already so the digging of the post holes was where we began. (Those of you who are familiar with the term "barn raising", that's what this was like.... a good old fashioned barn raising but, of course, on a much smaller scale.) It was hot and sweaty and fun. And the lodge was being built in a good way. In other words, our intention for this lodge when we were all done was to have an honorable place to continue to experience the sacred spirit song of life. Once built, we would sweat the lodge four times (hold four different sweats) and then the lodge would be ready for any ceremony that we might hold in it in the future.

Early in my quit, gratefully I met ddSteve who shared some information with me. Once I was past the nicotine withdrawal, I was left with learning how to deal with the emotional aspects of my recovery. The information that he shared taught me that by looking at the feelings behind the urge that made me want to reach for a smoke, identifying the feelings and then by changing my response to those feelings, I could secure a permanent quit for myself. It has worked very well for me. So, this way of thinking were the post holes that I dug and the posts that I sunk and are the structure/framework of my quit.

I watched as this new lodge began to take shape. I saw all of the members of the group watch in awe as well. A new picture was emerging in our minds and in our hearts. Well, what a surprise that was to experience. I was one of those that was saddened when my old "home" was taken down and I was one of those that wondered how it could ever be the same. But I was fast learning that change is not always a bad thing (smile). What was happening with this building of a new lodge is the realization of a new beginning and it was shaping up to be better than it was before. Hummm.....

Well, humph. Damn. I have had so many Aha! moments in this quit. One would think that I was all "realized" out. Giggle. I guess not. I was out walking this morning and I realized that moving me from one picture to another (quitting smoking) is not a bad thing; in fact, it is saving my life. Moving me from one picture to another picture may take work. So, I had to prepare properly. (This was done by setting a date, finding the fabulous support here in as3 and becoming a part of it, gathering information on quitting tobacco products, stocking up on whatever aids one might decide upon and of course, lots of Jolly Ranchers.) Then I made sure my intention was honorable. (What I mean by honorable is that I made a promise to myself to do whatever it takes to learn to live without nicotine. I don't care about the price in emotional and physical temporary turmoil. And then I don't waver from that promise to me which is how I honor me.) The next step was to get to work. Dig the post holes, set the posts and then secure the foundation. (This was done by using the information I had gathered from Steve as well as from all of those who have so generously posted here in the ng on how they were successful in their quits. I have tried to pay attention and to learn from each of them.) Raise the sides, then the top, lash it all together and then put the blankets over it all to create the lodge. And once the construction is complete, then sweat the lodge four times.

Sweating the lodge four times in regards to quitting smoking means covering all the bases (doing all the work), learning all I can, changing all that is necessary and then stepping back and watching the new picture emerge of me in my blessed state of freedom from nicotine addiction.

So, you up for moving your sweat lodge? Hummm.... Let's get to work, I'll start digging a post hole over here. You start over there and we'll be finished in no time a'tall. Aho.

Yukpa hashi------------->>>>>>>>passing the talking stick....