Hello, my AS3 family,

I am taking up the Talking Stick and may hold onto it for a bit. I hope you don't mind.

It seems I am unable to sit still here 'cause I got something to share. But first things first. I need to introduce myself (smile). I am Yukpa hashi. I am adopted Chahta and blooded Cherokee. I am *very proud* of my heritage. Mitakuye oyasin (which means, all my relatives).

I am at yet another milestone. But I have fought particularly hard for this one. I'm always hesitant to talk about this part of my quit but my friend, Stewart, has been straight up about depression here recently with his informative postings to the newsgroup. So, I am going to walk through the door he so generously opened on this topic. I am grateful for all of the information that he has posted about this aspect of quitting smoking and the recovery from the addiction. Thank you, Stewart.

I have no clue as to why the quit depression would have gotten worse over the last month or two but it has. I have reached out to my support group, my Sister Friends. I have contacted those that would/could help me understand what this space is all about. I have read a lot of information. And most importantly, I went back to see my doctor.

Side Note (I'm Chahta and I'm heading around the barn now... smile): Just in case those of you are new to me or don't know of the path of my quit, I have had quit depression for nearly all of my quit. I have managed it up until now with St. John's Wort. That course of treatment was discussed at length and agreed upon with my doctor early in my quit. If I could, I would like to impress two things upon you: If you are suffering with what you think might be quit depression, read all you can about depression so you can understand what is going on with you, talk to folks who have dealt with it, get the information. And number two, talk to your doctor. If your doctor makes you think you are crazy or it's all in your mind, find another doctor. I assure you quit depression is very real and treatable. Did you hear that? It's *treatable*. Getting help will allow you to find your balance again.

It became obvious to me that the SJW was no longer managing the depression
when I was an emotional mess, in more or less intensities, all of the time. My usual pattern (and in my last post some months ago about depression, I described this) was to spend about a week total in going down into what I call "my blue place" and then coming back up. It wasn't too hard to hang on during that time because I knew, from experience after a while, that it would get better. Well, this time it didn't get better.

I headed back to my doctor's. We talked again about the course of treatment that we wanted to pursue next. And I am now pursuing it. The reason I am sharing this with you is because quit depression is very real. If those of us who suffer with it don't step up and say, I have experience with this and then share our experience with you, someone may question their own feelings unnecessarily. If we don't step up and add a personal side to all of the facts and figures, then quit depression remains just that.... facts and figures. You now know at least one person who has dealt with this effect of quitting smoking. (On a personal note: As always, those that want to e-mail me to talk more about quit depression, please do. I would be there for you.)

I am here to share my struggle with you. And I am also here to share my triumph. I am not out of the blue place yet but *I will be*. I know this because I will do whatever it takes to remain on this path towards my smoke freedom. At the moment, it seems I am just grinding another facet on the diamond that I am brillianteering that I will be unveiling come next May 25th. You guys are just gonna have to wait to see the finished diamond though. But for the moment, how about being satisfied with viewing this:

Nine months, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 31 seconds. 5522 cigarettes not smoked, saving $916.91. Life saved: 2 weeks, 5 days, 4 hours, 10 minutes.

Remember at the top of this post when I said that I was having a hard time sitting still? 9 M's!!! 3/4 OF!!! Now, I've got 9 of those puppies! How wonderful is that? Those of you who have played such a wonderful supportive part in my life here recently, you know my heart. My Gratitude Journal is huge because of you.

5/25'er's, have you uncorked the champagne yet? We're getting closer to
those hot tubs all of the time. My wonderful quit partners, Franz, Harry, Mark, Map, Selma and our other brother, Frank, gather around. It's time for a group hug. We're doing so great! I can't even begin to tell you how important it is to me that you are walking the walk with me. Thanks for being there, my friends. And thanks for being there, to *all* of my AS3 friends. You are my riches.

Yukpa hashi ---------->>>>>> passing the talking stick in gratitude this day....
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokhez/budette/kite maker