"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
- Carl Bard

I am Yukpa hashi. Mitakuye oyasin.

I am nearing 9 months of smoke freedom. I usually post just on my milestones these days because I don't have a lot to add in between them anymore. That's a good thing. I mean, in the early days, I had so much to say that I am sure I filled the DejaNews archives with my posts alone. But nowadays, I am just watching my meter grow and watching myself change and grow with it. I am very proud of this gift I have given to myself.

I have had some events happen lately in my own quit life as well as I have watched some events happen in the newsgroup.... both sets of events are regarding folks losing quits and how it affects us when they do.

I was quit about 3 months when someone very close to me here in the newsgroup lost his quit. I was deeply shaken by the news. I know how it feels to be walking the walk with someone only to find out they couldn't/wouldn't/didn't hang on.... for whatever reason. (I don't make judgements of folks. I don't walk in their shoes.) What I try and do when something like this shakes my world, is to try and learn from their experience what will make a difference in my own quit and then get on with it.

When I decided to quit smoking, I felt that I had only one solid effort left in me. That's truth. My lungs hurt, my body was a wreck, laughing (which is the spark of life! to me) always ended in a coughing spasm, on and on. You guys all know this part because you have probably experienced similar things that I was experiencing because of smoking for so many years. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror because I didn't like the gray person I saw there. Well, it became time to take charge of my life and to figure out a way to change my addictive habits into healthy ones. And that's what I have tried to do for these past 8 plus months.

After my friend lost his quit and my cage got rattled, I bugged him about what happened. He told me he got overconfident. He quit paying attention to what he was doing here and he got blindsided. One of my quit group lost his quit as well. I asked him too, what happened? He told me that he got overwhelmed with stress. I paid attention to what both of them said. (Our "teachers" appear in many different forms I am finding.) And I learned from those teachers what NOT to do if I planned to continue to honor my decision to reclaim my life.

When I read about someone in the newsgroup who, for whatever reason, has had to restart their meter, a few thoughts pass through my mind. I am saddened, of course, because they are sad. I try and learn from them what happened so I can add more "backbone" to my own quit. And I know I will continue to support their unwillingness to quit quitting 'cause I honor courage. But I also know I won't let their troubles affect me or sway me from my commitment to me or let me lose sight of what I am about here.

The quote at the top of this post was a gift to me today. I can't do anything about the past mistakes I have made, but starting now, I can design a new ending to my life. My choice of that new ending is smoke freedom.

Aho. Yukpa hashi -------->>>>>> passing the talking stick
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette/kite builder