I am Yukpa hashi. Mitakuye Oyasin (this means, "all my relatives"). Aho.

I had a group of ladies over at the house yesterday for a meeting. It started thundering and lightening and raining really hard while they were here. I had all of the windows and doors open wide and the smell was just incredible for me. (I wonder if I will ever get over the smell of things. I am still amazed at how much I have missed in my life because of my smoking.) Now I am the chairperson of this committee and I was supposed to be leading the discussion and here I was with my nose in the air, sniffing away at the gorgeous smell of the rain, oblivious to their questions and discussion. Hey, Pat. Pat? Earth to Pat? Smile. It was funny.

As the last of the ladies were leaving, one stopped and made the comment about appreciating an event that had graced her life that day. One more thing to add to my Gratitude Journal tonight, she told me. Hummm.... Gratitude Journal.

(I got another track story to tell first. I was out walking the other day and a young lady got on the track infield and started doing her warm-ups. When she was ready, she joined me on the track and surprise of all surprises, she started moving CLOCK-WISE! [Most runners/walkers using a track go counter-clockwise, eh?] Well, I thought this is one bright lady, moving with the flow of the Universe and all, you know? But then I got to thinking. One of the best parts about being "Wrong Way Yuk" is the conversations that I get to have with all of the folks I pass. I wasn't ever going to get to say, Good morning, to her. Damn! So if any of you guys see me on the track, go counter-clockwise, OK, so I can say, Good morning to 'ya. I am quite enjoying the puzzled looks I get when I go the "wrong way". Big Smile.)

Back to the point here.... Gratitude Journal. I have had the most incredible week. I have found in my learning to live without nicotine that I am changing so many things about me. Not only is my physical appearance changing (yep! I think the wrinkles are lessening! Yippee! Doesn't that make an old broad feel good!) but the inside of me is changing as well. My attitudes about how I think about things as well as how I approach life is taking on a different picture, a new way of doing things. This is quite extraordinary, really. (Have you guys found out that by quitting smoking and going through all of this stuff that you are stronger than you thought you were and that you are beginning to develop a new picture of who you are in the process? Yup, me too.) Well, I am thinking about my Gratitude Journal.

I have written in the past how grateful I am for this quit. In going back over my journal entries early on in my quit, I can see when I started to smell again. I can see where I cut new facets in my behavior and how much those hurt at the time but how shiny they were when they were all done and polished. I have written much over these last weeks in sharing my growth with you.

You, my AS3 family, in turn gave back to me last week in a very big way. I thank you for ALL of the birthday well wishes. I had so many smiles here from reading your posts to me.... Well....it felt really good inside. Thank you very much. Topping my Gratitude Journal this week is my AS3 family. For all time, I will be grateful to my friends here in this newsgroup who have shared so much of who they are and what they are going through with me that I feel as if I know you and that you *are* living next door. This is an incredible journey that we share, full of opportunities to expand and grow bigger. And just think! We get to do all of that smoke-free! What a great gift to us.

In my life here, I tried two different new things this week. One, I bought myself a new kite for my birthday. I have never had so much fun. On Tuesday night, three hours playing with the wind went by so fast! I finally learned to not crash the kite into the ground. I got teased so much because after every crash, someone would yell, Did you feel that earthquake? Giggle. Good thing that Beetle is indestructible. I'd have broken it many times over. I drove all the way home with this smile plastered on my face and that smile lasted for two whole days! But there was a kiter out there who was really good. But he was a chain smoker. He kept having to down his kite so he could smoke. He would come over to where Tom (my kite shop owner and friend) and I were standing (Tom was trying ever so hard to be patient as I crashed his kite over and over....sigh) and his smoke would blow into our faces. I saw Tom sigh and try and move out of the way of his smoke. I was also having a difficult time because the smoke was getting into my eyes and I needed to see what I was doing ('cause I was doing so poorly, I didn't need any more hindrance. You know?). Tom and I had a chance to talk about this a little bit when this fella had gone back to his kite. He so much wanted to ask this man to help him train new kiters but couldn't because of the smoking. And this man had no clue as to how he is limiting his life by choosing to smoke. Can you imagine how much fun it must be to teach a 10 year old how to do tricks with a kite? He'll not get the opportunity to work with Tom and to know what that experience is like. And then on the way home, I had a thought pass through my mind of how a cig *might* go good right now. The next thought was, No, it wouldn't. And then the thought was gone. Just that quick. I had no physical or emotional reaction to it at all. So in my Gratitude Journal, I wrote in part.... "Kiting and dancing with the wind provides unlimited pleasure. I am doubly grateful today I am smoke-free. I don't have to take breaks to feed a nicotine habit, I can enjoy the fun non-stop. Had a smoking thought today that had no impact on me. Wonder if I am morphing into a new place?" No doubt I am.

The next new thing I tried was Applique (the following night). I won't talk much about this because it is not my favorite thing to do and frustration reined supreme. In fact, the quilting instructor told me he doesn't allow such blue language in his class! (This really happened! Pat!) In fact, the feelings I get from learning to applique is the exact opposite of those I get from flying my Beetle. But the lesson is the same. I sat there for three solid hours trying to understand how to do something that I had no previous experience with. I kept "crashing into the earth" and having to start over. But that night, in my Gratitude Journal, I wrote in part...."Stretching and learning new things is difficult sometimes. I may not think I am up to the challenge only to discover in the long run, I am. I am grateful I have learned to hang tough until understanding finally happens. I attribute this philosophy to my quit." Aho.

Well, I am off to go celebrate with my friend, TuBears, tonight. And for this next week, I will be scarce. I will be thinking about my AS3 family and knowing you all will continue to go onward, upward and forward in my absence. I will check in as soon as I am able. Enjoy life! And if you get a chance to dance with the wind, I would recommend that over applique any old day. Giggle. Thank you again for all of your well wishes this week. You added so much to my joy.

Yukpa hashi----------->>>>>>>>>>>passing the talking stick
Pat/Laughing Moon/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette