I am Yukpa hashi and I am in a contemplative mood this morning. I hope you will circle up with me for a bit while I take up the talking stick. I gotta talk about this.

Whenever I read about someone faltering, it makes me feel vulnerable and even angry. But if I stop and think about my response though, I realize ultimately what a gift that mirror is to me. Awareness is a powerful tool. Thank you, Phil.

I am finally getting my body back from the rigors of last weekend. So on Friday, I went for a walk. Usually I go for a walk and it takes me from an unsettled place to a settled place. On this day, I went from a settled place to a very unsettled place. And the reason for that is that I recognized that I was starting to become complacent in my quit.

Several of my quit group is in this place too. One tossed his meter because he figures he doesn't need it anymore, he is feeling so good about his quit. Another is pissed and has tossed his meter because he is tired of the daily focus on his quit. Another is experiencing "cravings". We're all at seemingly loose ends in one way or another. The final straw for me was when I was out walking last Friday and I passed an expanse of freshly mowed lawn. The smell barely registered with me as I blithely continued toward the track. And then all of a sudden, it struck me. Wow. Not too long ago, I had written in this newsgroup about the joy of being able to smell freshly mowed grass like I hadn't been able to *smell* it in YEARS!

(Now, here is my meter so that you know where I am at: Three months, two weeks, four days, 18 hours, 20 minutes and 13 seconds. 2215 cigarettes not smoked, saving $304.60. Life saved: 1 week, 16 hours, 35 minutes. I am really proud of this meter, btw. I have earned every accumulated moment, money and life saved. Every bit of it. I wouldn't toss this meter for anything. It is my gift to me.)

But to stop recognizing my ability to smell, taste and hear and to stop paying attention to (vigilance) what I am about in my efforts to get and be smoke-free is dangerous indeed. I need to continue to pay attention.

Mr. T. told me to expect this complacency. He told me that this would be the next "phase" of my new nicotine-free life. So I had been told, I was just so *surprised* at how quiet the phase entered into my life. It entered so quietly as to nearly take me unawares. Whew!

Well, I'm walking around the track and I'm starting to get agitated. Where else was I failing to pay attention? What else had been going on that I hadn't seen? And with each lap around the track, I knew I had some homework to do when I got home. It was time to re-view my Quit List and to re-new my commitment to me.

Now, I do agree that it is probably nearing time where not every moment of my daily life *needs* to be focussed on my quit. But in getting on with my everyday life, I also need to remember to continue to think....TO THINK....about my commitment to quitting smoking. I am not in a safe place, a smoke-free comfortable place yet. I have decided to check in with myself at about 6 months to see if my vigilance can be relaxed a little. If not then, then I'll check in at 9 months. But I am prepared to continue to be aware for however long it takes because my ultimate *choice* is FREEDOM. And I am grateful to be reminded by my "teachers" of what it will take to get there.

I'm also feeling very grateful this morning for all of you. Thanks for letting me talk a bit. Is there someone else out there who has some thoughts about this beast called "complacency"? I hope you will share them. Awareness is a valuable tool.

Yukpa hashi ---------->>>>>>passing the talking stick
Pat/Laughing Moon/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette