I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
~ Louisa May Alcott ~

I am Yukpa hashi. I am Chahta, Cherokee, English, Irish and Scots. I'd to take up the talking stick this one last time. I hope you'll circle up with me and sit a spell. Smile. Mitakuye oyasin. Yaqne. (Both terms mean essentially the same thing which is "All my relatives" but are different languages; Lakota and Chahta respectively. It's a blessing.)

One year ago today, I quit cold turkey. I took St. John's Wort for quite a while and then started Wellbutrin about two months ago. I can't even begin to describe this near overwhelming feeling of great joy I'm experiencing at the moment. I did it!!! Wow. Smile.

I remember a year ago seeing someone turn into an OF. I remember feeling like that seemed so unattainable at the time. After all, I had already tried to quit *so many times*. I have tried it all. All of it. In fact, I think I still have the Stop Smoking tapes around here somewhere. I even had a 2 1/2 year quit before and blew it. So what gave me the impression that I might succeed this time? This newsgroup. I found this joint and had the good sense to stick around. Big Smile. I've met lots of folks here in AS3 who have changed my life for all time because of their wonderful advice and support. There's no way to repay all of you but I thank you so much!

When I was newbie, I appreciated reading the posts of those who had been there and had succeeded. Their picture of what it was like where they were gave me something to look forward to. Well, I'd like to tell you what my picture is like here.... at this place of one year of Smoke Freedom.

THEN: I started out a year ago, hoping that by quitting smoking, I would be able to breathe uninhibited again. The bottom line was that I couldn't breathe very well. Exertion-caused symptoms were starting to worry me. And I couldn't play ball with my grandsons! Now that got my attention. It was time to get my life back before it was too late.

NOW: How am I now? Well, for the first time EVER, I wore my grandsons out this past weekend going through museums. Big Smile. This is great news! In the past, I had always wanted to go home LONG before they were ready. Well, that's history. Big Grin. This past year I have climbed mountains, both emotionally and physically. I did things that I thought were impossible before. And they *were* impossible before. Quitting smoking gave me the courage to try new things.

THEN: In my past attempts at quitting smoking, I simply hung on for dear life for as long as I could. I described it in an earlier post, I think, as a smoker who was simply not smoking. I never felt secure in my quit.

NOW: This time around, I learned Cog Quitting. Learning this method secured my quit for all time. Once you get past the withdrawals, then it seems to me, it becomes a head game. Cog Quitting taught me how to change the dialogue in my brain. I learned how to handle life in a different way. ddSteve, you are the best. Thank you for having the patience to teach me this way of getting smoke free. That I reached this place is, in part, due to you. I'm very, very grateful. The bottom line is that Cog Quitting gave me the confidence that I am truly done.

THEN: I had no clue what was gonna happen when I decided to quit smoking. I had lurked in AS3 for two weeks prior to 5/25. And then on 5/25, I got inspired by Tony T. and decided that was it, I was gonna do it. I gave myself a quit time of 2 PM that day. I was scared to death but I held to the time frame.

NOW: Almost the moment I first posted my intent to quit, someone was there to help me. You guys know about this AS3 support phenomena that happens here. I don't subscribe to any other newsgroups at the moment but I have and our newsgroup is totally awesome. We win hands down for support and information.

I was really fortunate to have found my support group. They stood in with me through it all, which I find amazing. That's the truth. Mr. T. and Ms. M, you know how some people come into our lives and we're never the same afterwards? That's how you impacted my life. What a gift you have given to me this past year. Thank you, my great friends.

THEN: From the beginning, I stayed close to AS3. I have read most of my old posts here recently. (You'll understand why at the end of this milestone post.) I have realized how incredibly verbose I was. Man, I wrote a lot!!! But you know what? What a great tool that turned out to be for me. When Rosie says, "Read and Post", you'd better follow her advice. It really works. Smile.

NOW: I still stay close to AS3 and I'm still verbose and Rosie still says, Read and Post. Smile. This didn't change. Bigger Smile.

The bottom line is that I am a different person now. I know that those who have watched me this past year have seen me "morphing" into a non-smoker. I appreciate the physical changes.... my chest doesn't hurt, a congested nose means I just have a cold, I can walk for miles and not get winded, I can climb mountains and gather rocks up under an ages old Cypress tree, I can breathe deeply and clearly. But the best part? I can laugh out loud and long and not have it end in a coughing spasm. Being able to laugh is one of the greatest gifts to me. But I truly think it is the emotional changes, the difference in my thinking, that I appreciate the most. I think that by quitting smoking a door opened up to a whole world of possibilities. What was once a narrow, hidden, gray-faced smoker is now a person who has no limits. Quite literally.

I know it is hard to imagine this when you are just starting. But it is what I have found to be my truth. I really love reading the posts from newbies. You are the best. Your display of courage in your struggle for smoke freedom is awesome and reminds me of where I started. By putting one foot in front of the other, you will get to where I am. Then I hope you will post your picture of what it is like for you. I'll be waiting to hear.

To thank all of those that have helped me over this past year is simply an impossible task. AS3 was a gift. I not only found wonderful support, but I found wisdom and the information I needed to get me past that hard moment. (Bob C., VOF, and friend, I would like to thank you especially. AS3 is graced by you. Thank you for being there for all of us.) I thank you my AS3 family for helping this round-bottomed Chahta grandma make it to this point:

One year, 0 minutes and 30 seconds. 7300 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,211.80. Life saved: 3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 20 minutes.

To my 5/25'ers, my quit family, who walked the walk with me every step of the way, who filled my mailbox with tears and laughter and support and love and every other emotion you can imagine (because over this year, it seems we experienced it all), the day we found ourselves banded together as a group was the best day of my quit life. You are simply the best, my friends. My Sister Selma, my huggy brother, Franz, my teacher brother, Frank, our leader of the pack brother, Harry, our wanderer brother, Map and our Aussie brother, Mark.... wherever you are, that's where I'll be. We've got so much more life to share now because of our commitment that we made one year ago. I love you. Thank you for being with me.

Oh, one last note.... I have opened up a website that archives the posts that I have written over this past year about this journey to Smoke Freedom. I hope you will go take a look and let me know what you think. I worked with my friend, Steve (slackr). He built this wonderful site for me. (Thank you, my friend, for your great gift. You are awesome.) Go take a look: www.talkingstick.net

To be able to do what I have dreamed about for one year now is so COOL. You guys gotta show me respect now!!! I'm an OF!!! Giggling here. Paul, you got the champagne chilled? I am finally gonna get to meet all of you OF's, DOF's and VOF's whose light led the way for me here. I bet you have some grand stories to share and I want to hear them all. I have the time now, some life saved, because of my decision that I made one year ago today. I've met all kinds of waters in sailing my ship but I made port. And now I'm ready.

SPLASH!!!!!!!!

Aho.

Yukpa hashi, OF
Laughing Moon/Pat/Gaire Solas/Yareakh Tzokheq/budette/kite maker/Bish/pk